When writing the original post I thought of two more limericks on Shakespearian themes (loosely). The first, with apologies to the Scottish play (I'm not superstitious), is:
Why should we three meet again
In thunder, lightning or in rain
Oh bugger the weather
Let's just get together
And move the whole scene out to Spain
When the remains of Richard III were found in a Leicester car park, I thought:
How sad for Richard of Gloucester
At Bosworth, his kingdom, he lost her
If he'd cried for a car
And got out faster by far
He wouldn't have ended in Leicester
It then transpired that Edward I's remains may be under a car park in Reading, which is even more down market I would have thought. I doubt if William the Conqueror would have been pleased.
Take pity on Edward the first
Another king whose ending was curs'd
Is Leicester or Reading
The best place to be dead in
I'm damn'd if I know which is worst
Tuesday, 5 July 2016
The Flood
Apologies for no posts since January, but in early February the house was flooded, not very deeply, but enough to cause a horrible mess, and costing lots of noughts to repair. As you can imagine, I have been somewhat preoccupied, but repairing is well under way, the insurance company have been cooperative, and more limericks are emerging.
We've recently experienced a flood
And what is much worse lots of mud
Thanks to a kind neighbour
And a fair amount of labour
We managed to move all the crud
Now some order is almost restored
Repaired, re-painted and re-floored
We'll need to prevent
Any similar event
But we've recovered, and so thank the lord
We've recently experienced a flood
And what is much worse lots of mud
Thanks to a kind neighbour
And a fair amount of labour
We managed to move all the crud
Now some order is almost restored
Repaired, re-painted and re-floored
We'll need to prevent
Any similar event
But we've recovered, and so thank the lord
Monday, 4 July 2016
Quote ... Unquote
Nigel Rees' radio programme and books provide lots of material for composing limericks, such as this quotation from Sarah, Duchess of Malborough:
"My Lord returned from the war and pleasured me in his topboots", so:
My Lord just returned from the war
And pleasured me thrice on the floor
I'd rather the bed
The floor hurts my head
But it's better than up against the door
The rhythm of the last line is a bit flaky - improvements would be welcomed.
Sir Walter Raleigh is reputed to have taken advantage of a young lady of the court up against a tree. She is supposed to have responded with "Swisser, swatter, Sir Walter", whatever that means, pleasure one hopes.
Thought Sir Walter "perhaps I shall kiss her
But with my luck I'll probably miss her
First a little caress
Then up with her dress
I'll give her one - what's with this swisser?"
Dorothy Parker was noted for her sharp tongue and devastating wit. When at one Hallowe'en party she was told that people were ducking for apples she said "there but for a typographical error is the story of my life". She is also reported to have told a potential caller that she was "too fucking busy - or vice versa". This quotation from her isn't a limerick, and I certainly couldn't match it, but it's very memorable.
“By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying."
"My Lord returned from the war and pleasured me in his topboots", so:
My Lord just returned from the war
And pleasured me thrice on the floor
I'd rather the bed
The floor hurts my head
But it's better than up against the door
The rhythm of the last line is a bit flaky - improvements would be welcomed.
Sir Walter Raleigh is reputed to have taken advantage of a young lady of the court up against a tree. She is supposed to have responded with "Swisser, swatter, Sir Walter", whatever that means, pleasure one hopes.
Thought Sir Walter "perhaps I shall kiss her
But with my luck I'll probably miss her
First a little caress
Then up with her dress
I'll give her one - what's with this swisser?"
Dorothy Parker was noted for her sharp tongue and devastating wit. When at one Hallowe'en party she was told that people were ducking for apples she said "there but for a typographical error is the story of my life". She is also reported to have told a potential caller that she was "too fucking busy - or vice versa". This quotation from her isn't a limerick, and I certainly couldn't match it, but it's very memorable.
“By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying."
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